Am I peeing correctly?

When you pee while doing gradual exposure do you literally just stand there and pee, nothing else? It might sound like a silly question but when I'm in a 100% comfortable situation I just stand there and wait for my stream to start but in a less comfortable situation like when doing GE, when I just stand there the urge goes away even more so if I sit down so I tense my bladder a few times kind of like flexing it to try and get the urge back and it works at really low urgency but anything higher it doesn't and I'm wondering if this is why I find it much harder to pee at higher urgency because I'm not desensing at the right level so I'm blaming the high urgency when in reality I'm at the wrong level. If I can't pee just standing there relaxed, am I at the wrong level, should I just go back to the start with high urgency?

#65 by David

Not a silly question. It sounds like you are at a too high level. Peeing, even in GE, should come without pushing. BTW do a 3 second pee: that way you can repeat after a few minutes, and so get more out of a time slot.

#66 by Anonymous

I've been trying to pee in my house without tensing my bladder but I'm finding it really hard now to pee without doing it, I can feel the strong urge to pee but my sphincter just isn't relaxing without me doing it, it just feels locked up, it's so bizarre. It's as if I have to help it along for it to relax properly. When you pee do you just stand there and wait?

#67 by David

There are two sphincters: the internal sphincter is under your subconscious control. That’s the one that closes in a situation deemed threatening to your subconscious. The other, the external sphincter is under your conscious control; that’s the one you keep closed to not wet your pants, and relax to let go. Cos guys with paruresis have had to hang on for ages so many times, something non-paruretics rarely need to do, it gets overdeveloped. So you have to consciously relax it. You do this by clenching it: how? By clenching your arse as if to hold in a fart, and relax it. Practice that clench unclench. I do it each time I pee. Andrew

#68 by Anonymous

When you pee do you just stand there relaxed and wait for your bladder to relax and for the urine to travel down because when I do that I can't get my bladder to relax the urge to pee completely goes. I'm thinking of just going back to the start as today I was standing with someone in the cubicle next to me and I was completely relaxed 100% but I just couldn't get my bladder to relax enough to start peeing, I'm slightly worried that I'll have a problem at the workshop when we do GE as I can't seem to pee just standing there without flexing my bladder.

#70 by David
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