Reply: Tell or not tell

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Topic History of: Tell or not tell

Max. showing the last 6 posts - (Last post first)

  • Jim

Hiya David, I’ve also suffered from stage fright for 3 decades & more & only recently took up the Wim Hof Method to help me take control of my mind in stressful situations & one of the things they do (totally unrelated to shy bladder) is a breath hold technique & I discovered that I was going to pee myself & only about two days ago I thought, “I’ve found a way to hack my bladder” lol & was interested to see if anyone else had discovered it & im pleased it’s already recognised. I’m still experimenting lol if I hold on the out breath as opposed to the in breath I will get a faster response but it definitely works but yet to use it in proper stressful situations.

  • Jan

And so it all turned out very good. She was very understanding, and supportive.
Just before i shared my story she actually alse shared one with me, she suffers from panic attacks occasionally, so we have a lot in common to talk about and have lots of respect for eachothers situation.
Glad i talked about it.
Thanks for the support.

  • andrew

Good stuff Jan. Do let us know how to goes.

  • Jan

Thank you David and Andrew for the advice and tips, they are very helpfull.
I may consider using different techniques in the future, first i will take a moment to tell my cycle friend. We both have a unique sense of humour and laugh a lot, so this will surely help once the serious part is over.
I tried to reply yesterday Andrew but i’m not sure it got thru. I just wanted to tell that there is mutual trust among us. Just the other day she said that the nice thing about us is that we always can be ourselves when we spend time together.
Thanks all

  • David

I have also ben suffering most of my life, and it came to a head this year when I stopped being able to pee on an aeroplane which has never been a problem before. I was distraught, but spent the first 5 days of my holiday reading up! I came across the reference to Breath Hold technique and being relatively fit, can hold my breath no problem.
It works!!
I used it on the plane come back, and then last week in a busy hotel urinals I took the plunge, and after a slow start, it worked again, and again, and again, and then became a lot easier.
It seems cramped cubicles on planes and trains pushed me into the worse stage after 30 years of using any cubicle no problem, but now, I suddenly feel confident again.
I am going to use the BH technique to give me the confidence to beat this.
Once your brain knows it can't stop you going for a pee, it will cease to cause problems! That's my approach which seems to be working.
I've told my family only recently, and even some close friends, and they are supportive.
Tell those close to you and they will understand, and it will help.
Good luck!!

  • andrew

Hi there

Glad you have been able to ask this question; you’ve come to the right place :-)

We advocate telling people about one’s shy bladder but only if two conditions are met: one, they need to know, and two, there is mutual trust. In your case your cycling companion needs to know; but you do not say if you feel there is mutual trust. I suspect there is otherwise she would not cycle with you.

There is a natural fear about telling someone; it’s a big deal for you, and you feel you risk embarrassment and also knock-on effects. Our experience from loads of guys is that telling someone has a positive result. At worst they don’t understand shy bladder but realise it’s a problem for you. At best a surprising number say the response was along the lines of: “Oh I get that a bit myself sometimes; or I have a friend/relations who has got that.” The teller has not regretted getting the load off their shoulders.

So how do you do it. Our script is on the website here:

There’s an extra bit in item 27 on this page:

Note also item 7 about how peeing is taken out of your control.

Once you’ve gone through the script, make sure to tell her what you needs are e.g. privacy and the time to find it; no time pressure, so ask her to do something so she is not “waiting”; ask her not to ask you “how did it go?” when you return.

You say that peeing by the side of the road is something cycling groups do. I assume its cos they are wearing cleats and walking is uncomfortable. But in terms of politeness to passing traffic, it is better to distance yourself by going behind a tree, or bush, or wall. The point here is that someone with shy bladder feels they are doing it because of that, when in fact you can say that you prefer consider passing people.

Remember that peeing for most people is a non-event akin to blowing one’s nose. Hence why they can struggle to understand the problem. This is where item 7 comes in.

How does all this sound?


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