Hi,

I've recently admitted to myself that I have this problem and taken up counselling, telling family and trying to desensitise with family and by myself after decades of avoidant behaviour... (Now in my 30s)

Firstly does anyone have any tips of what has worked for them? I can use stalls most of the time although find it hard when there is only a single one and other people about and urinals in services with screens most of the time.

Secondly, did anyone tell their work and how do you get around work and socialising? I work in an office, something I have done since 18 but avoided using the toilet and held it in until home which is just something I cannot do now. I now use the toilets which I can time to avoid people (there are just two cubicles which are tight so would struggle to go if someone else was in there). I tend to find the noise puts me off. Any suggestions?

Thirdly is there anyone in the midlands area who would be up for meeting and desensing together? Keen to get over this now but sometimes feels impossible on your own! I've booked onto a course in September but the time between has somewhat made it harder.

Hi,

Well done for recognising the problem and deciding to do something about it. I left it until my late 20s.

Like you I sometimes find stalls a problem if others are in close proximity, and like you it's the thought that they can hear me that can make things difficult - actually like places with piped music for that reason! I suppose the thing to remember is that nobody else cares what you're doing or judges you for it, they're just focussed on whatever they're there for. One coping strategy I have when feeling anxious is noise cancelling headphones and some music that makes me feel good to shut everything out.

I work in a large office where there are about 6 fully enclosed gender-neutral cubicles and no urinals. When I was younger I used to hold it in until I got home, these days I drink as much as possible and make sure I go several times a day. I still have the odd 'misfire' even in the enclosed cubicles if others are nearby but I don't beat myself up about it and just come back ten minutes later. I don't advertise my situation but I'd be open to it with the right people if the subject ever came up.

Best of luck!