Reply: Euros final paruresis fears!

I went to this concert venue once and the only cubicle had no door on it!
After one gig, me and a mate crossed the road to go to the car and saw a bloke crouched down having a dump!
I have used alleys etc before and after seeing programmes on tv like Police On duty it’s unsettling to know you can get a public order notice for having a call of nature but I got a “Just can’t wait” card (as later did my two pee buddies) from bladderandbowelfoundation.org which I keep in my wallet at all times so if I get caught by the police, I can produce this card and they should be understanding.
I can also share with you that I went to a cricket club to a party two or three times and they had no cubicles at all! Both times I sneaked out and went for a pee around the back of the club.
It was difficult trying to avoid wandering there when there were people outside having a smoke...and also the security light coming on! I managed to pee and just hope I wasn’t caught on cctv!

Hi.

There is no shame in going outside if you have to. I have been doing that for years where I had problems goings. Festivals and big street events are a nightmare for me, especially if you add in alcohol. Sometimes a quiet alleyway or something is the only place you can get privacy. Don't be worried about what anyone else thinks, do what you have to do.

I realise this response is after the final. Sorry England didn't win, I hope you had a good time though

Chris

Hi Ryan

You have fixed in your mind that going outside is humiliating. Yet you have described the toilets as being rammed and unpleasant.

Could you consider the view of someone who does not have paruresis, but considers that going for a pee in those conditions is not for him. As a man comfortable with himself, he says: those are crap toilets, I am going somewhere better. And if questioned, he is matter of fact and unapologetic about it.

In addition, you can still go and have some time at the bar, but could you turn up a bit later than the others?

Have a think about it. It's your life and you can do what you want, not what you think others expect you to do.

I'm happy to chat on the phone if that would help.

BTW I suggest you change you profile name to maintain some anonymity. Ryan is enough, but a surname as well is too much. You can always set up a new profile, or not even have one at all. I can delete the posting if you like.

Get back to me

Andrew

This is more of a rant post than asking for support as I'm not sure what support can be given to me for this situation.

For those that saw (or care), England are going to the finals of the Euro's on Sunday and I'm very anxious and nervous. I'm a big football fan and have been following the Euro's closely. For the final all of my friends want to go to this bar in Manchester. This bar is a paruresis sufferers worst nightmare: there are huge lines for the toilet; only two cubicles and the cubicle doors don't shut and can't be locked and there aren't disabled or additional toilets to be used. Also, we're going to be there for over 8 hours as we want to get there early before it gets busy.

I'm so nervous about it, last time I went to this bar I just went outside pee'd in a back alley corner and went back in. I was so humiliated and disgusted that I had to do that, but I don't know where else I could've gone. I tried using the cubicles but I was always disturbed with people opening the door to see if anyone was in the there. The toilets also aren't the type you can sit down on, they're just an elevated metal hole.

I'm scared and nervous and don't really want to go but I also don't want to let my friends down as pretty much my entire friends group is going as it's quite a big event (I also don't want to miss it).. I thought about trying to find some anti-anxiety medication in case that would soothe my mind but trying to get a GP appointment before Sunday seems a bit unrealistic and unlikely.

My only other option is to just pee outside again, I'm hoping after a couple of pints I won't be as humiliated if I need to pee outside.