im new and desperate for help.

hi, im in my 40s and had this problem for years. im looking for tips to help me.
Never been to a gp, never really felt the need to.
However, now my kids dont need me for school drop off/pick up, i am now happily in work, i love it. one thing..... i cant pee in the toilets at work. i just cant. even though i can be bursting i just cant. unless its silent, the main door is shut and no one is in. its awful. im in a job where i cant just nip to the loo often and only really get my lunch break to go, but often this is a busy time. i can be so bursting its painful and still not be able to go. Ive learnt over the years to tickle my lower back to help me go but even this isnt working.
Other things to note is that if a door doesnt lock and i cant get my feet on the door to hold it, ive no chance. id never get to pee outside if caught in a traffic jam or something (like a man would do). I cant go on long flights because i cant use the airplane toilet.... i tried last time on the flight to the canaries and i was in so much pain with a full bladder i dont know how i didnt burst!!! i tried, i tried a few times, it just didnt happen. i now dont drink before a flight and cant be on a flight more than 3 hours. i wont even go on a train for the fear of the toilet door opening, let along trying to pee. i need help, its ruining my life.
Im so sorry if there are other topics like this, i have only stumbled upon this forum. i wanted to type quickly and get it off my chest. ill go now and have a read of the other topics. thank you in advance.

#3751 by desperate40odd

Hi Desperate
Very glad you have found our forum. Now you know you are not the only one with this problem. Ann our trustee who looks after women’s support is unfortunately on holiday this week and next week, but she will get in touch with you on her return.
In the meantime there is a lot of useful information on our website so do avail yourself of it .
Best wishes

#3757 by andrew

Hi there - apologies for the delay in getting back to you. I hope you managed to get some useful information from our website, and also some consolation from knowing that there are other people just like you. I'm in contact with a number of other women who find it helpful to be able to talk to other women about their shy bladder experiences.
If you'd like to drop me an email to,uk perhaps we can have a private email discussion, or we can catch up by phone if you'd like to email me your phone number - whichever suits you best.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Kind regards

#3786 by ann

I just wanted to provide reassurance that I had this issue too, I could not go to the loo on a plane, even when I was bursting. It didn't stop me travelling but like you, I would restrict flights to 3 hours or less. However, I recently not only went on the plane, but also on a boat! What I found really helpful is watching YouTube videos of plane toilets, listening to the noises and then feeling relaxed whilst watching the videos. (it may sound daft but it really worked) I also book an isle seat so I can try whenever and I found it helped having my partner stood outside the door.

I found the virtual workshop through UKPT a huge help! It is since taking part in the workshop that I have had so much success. The key is to relax and smile every time you go to the loo, even if you don't manage to go, still smile. fake it.

Ann is super helpful too, after speaking with her on the phone, via email and on the workshop you will already feel better.

In the meantime, if you did need to travel further than three hours, take two flights. I took two flights to the canaries. you can even try and go on them and have more opportunity to try.

Good luck! You can overcome it, we are proof!

#3787 by Adele
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