Im 26 years old and a guy. It's been 4 years since I've been on this site/forum and my shy bladder has only gotten worse to where I can't go in my own home. I've tried CBT multiple times and medication and it's been useless. I'm sure people here have had the same or similar experience. Just wondering what I'm meant to say to my GP because I've just constantly gotten nowhere. I'm sick of it ruling my life as you guys can understand. I can't work full time. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Hi Ben

Glad you have found us. Hopefully together we can move you forward. I am assuming the CBT you have tried has been with an NHS therapist or equivalent. In the main they understand about anxiety conditions and the use of CBT, but lack detailed knowledge and experience of how to apply it to paruresis.. All things that we do have.

Also it is very hard to do the graduated desensitisation on you own.

So two things to do:

1. Get yourself onto our Beginners workshop; the next one is in Manchester on 3 March. However I realise this may be too far for you to travel?

2. Get the GP, or a urologist, to prescribe ISC for you. That is Intermittent Self-Catheterisation. Honestly, as you can read on this forum, it is easy, pain-free, and give you the ability to empty your bladder anywhere. The idea is that you use it a temporary crutch that allows you to say travel to a workshop, get a full time job, etc. The problem is that some GP's don't like to prescribe them; we can talk about how to deal with that.

It would be good to talk this through with you, and for you to have a chance to talk about it to someone who has paruresis and experience of helping hundreds of men over the last twenty years. For obvious reasons I do not put a phone number on the website, but you can contact me using support and the domain name in the Contacts page.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Cheers

Andrew

Hi Ben. Sorry to hear you’re having paresis at home. Had that problem myself.
I live on my own in a flat but the floors are thin & you & your neighbour can hear each other in the bathroom & I hate that lack of privacy. I did tell the housing association & try to get some soundproofing when they upgraded the bathrooms but they didn’t soundproof them.
My biggest issue has been urinating before I go to bed & even though I can start quite quickly, the stream will stop before I’ve finished & I can have difficulty emptying. I have tried waiting but nothing so I get into bed & can’t sleep because I know my bladder isn’t empty. I get back up & go to the toilet once or twice & pee both times before going back to bed & falling asleep.
I’m guessing you don’t live alone & maybe live in a house. What do you think is causing your paruresis?

Andrew mentions the paruresis workshop. Book one asap if you can get to one. They’re absolutely brilliant & helpful.
In the workshop we are taught fluid loading. This is something that helped me in public conveniences incredibly much.
Drink 1-2 litres of water, wait til your level of urgency is high by marking it on a 1-10 scale & using the toilet on urge 8-10 & if you can urinate then do a little & then hold in the rest. Leave the bathroom, drink more water & repeat the process a few times & finally empty what’s left in your bladder.
By drinking a lot of water it will create a sudden urge to urinate & by holding in the urine after each pee & water top up your urge will remain strong which makes it easier to go.
Practice this at home & hopefully you’ll find improvements & if so you can later practice it in public toilets to help you get used to the environment & to help you urinate in them.
Good luck!