Reply: Desensitisation Hierarchy

Hi Jon. From what you’re saying I gather the problem is what’s called in the Ukpt as “the nature of the person” and it’s one of the ten hierarchies of challenge.
This is where you find it difficult to pee if someone you know is in the same proximity as you are.
As Andrew suggests, urinate on the porcelain and not the water. That’s what I’ve always done pre-a.p anyways as I value my privacy. You won’t be the only man that does this.
I always find it very distracting to hear other men urinating in the water and difficult to switch off from.
Some may just hear what you’re doing but some might switch on and off from hearing you because as Andrew has said their minds might be too pre-occupied with other thoughts.

Agreed you don't want a crinkly plastic type of water bottle. A detergent bottle may be better.

As for the cramped two urinal, one cubicle set ups, we know that most men would not share with another and would use the cubicle instead. And if you are first there, spreading yourself to take up more space can increase the chances of being left alone.

A

No I hadn't thought of that. I suppose I'd have to find a bottle made of a material that doesn't make crumpling sounds as I squeeze it or I'd feel like a right wally!

It's only really an issue at work, as I'd normally just use a urinal wherever one is available. Of course even then I'm not 100% successful nor do I ever expect to be. For example I'm still not comfortable sharing one with a stranger in a small toilet (unless they arrive after I've already started peeing)... but then in my experience very few people are anyway AP or not.

Thanks Jon. yes we do find that something that bothers one person does not bother another. Hence the need for a safe space to explore all that. Glad you are nevertheless making progress. Just this one last stimulus to deal with.

Have you bought of taking a squeezy bottle of water into a public cubicle (not work) with no intention to pee, and using the bottle to make a noise? Leave and return later and do it again, and again, and again. Over time I would hope it would desensitise you to making a noise.

Thoughts?

Andrew

I actually attended a workshop some years ago, and have been regularly desensitising ever since - and enjoying the challenge! Without the UKPT there is no way I would have come as far as I have.

Earphones and music are a good tip, I've been trying this with some success as it takes my mind off the silence. I'll definitely give the relaxation techniques you mention a try.

Really just brought this one up as I thought it might be an interesting topic of conversation, that for some people a situation we might assume would be relatively "safe" can sometimes turn out to be more challenging than one we'd expect to present a more obvious difficulty, in my case because I still struggle a bit with silence and not wanting to be heard.

Hi Jon

Interesting.

The priority is to get you peeing first time, so as to remove the revisits and the intervening discomfort.

The first thing to realise is that for people who do not have a shy bladder, peeing is as uninteresting as blowing one’s nose. It is instantly forgettable; they do not remember going, and do not think about the next time. So though you can hear the occupant of the next door cubicle, they are unaware of you, because they have much more interesting things on their mind; work, worries, day dreams etc etc. The same things goes for the cleaners.

If you don’t like the feeling that they can hear you, pee on the porcelain. Once the flow is established, you can move into the water if you wish. But do that as your choice, not to fit in with other people.

As part of your toilet routine, consider relaxation breathing (see the website) and physical relaxation (clenching and unclenching). This should help you to relax, and the time taken also gives your subconscious time to relax.

A “survive the day” technique could be to use earphones and music on your mobile. Choose a track that cheers you up, that energises you.

Finally consider attending one of our workshops. A one day online workshop would probably suffice; or even a one to one online session.

Get back to us with your thoughts.

Cheers

Andrew