Reply: Never felt worse than this weekend.

Hi Ryan

A virtual workshop is now set for Saturday 10th December. You can book on it from this webpage.

www.ukpt.org.uk/paruresis-workshops/book-online

Cheers

Andrew

Hi again Ryan. Hope this helps!

I saw a programme this week & this guy said that he just cannot use urinals for fear of embarrassment.
Shortly after he said it was because he has excess skin hanging from his stomach due to excess weight loss.
I’d never even given it a thought that excess skin could cause problems for someone using a urinal before & I had to think how it would be an issue.
I guessed it was because the excess skin hangs down over the genitals & buries them somewhat so I’m assuming now that maybe they have to lift up that excess skin to get to & hold the penis to urinate.
Very interesting!
The guy said that he always has to use a cubicle to urinate so it’s just one of many reasons why men use cubicles & that neither you, I or anybody else who suffers from paruresis should feel uncomfortable about using them.
Men use cubicles for different reasons other than to take a dump & before we all suffered from paruresis there would have been men using cubicles for any of these reasons all the time - we just didn’t notice them then or pay any attention to the fact that they were going into the cubicle rather than using a urinal. This means that most men will be doing the same thing we did pre-paruresis.

One of the things I’ve discovered men use cubicles for just a few years ago is to take drugs.
Some men use them because they have or maybe more importantly “think” they have a small penis & worry that others will notice at a urinal. Most men don’t know that penises can range from anything from 1” in length & that all sizes are normal. If we all walked around naked then men would probably be somewhat less conscientious about their penis size than they are because we would see so many that any size would be normal.
Some use cubicles because they too have paruresis.
Some men just like maximum privacy because that’s the personality they have.
Some men have been sexually abused & therefore do not like being in the position where men could possibly look at their penis.
Some men will use cubicles because they need to use toilet paper to blow their nose so urinate while they’re in there.
Some men will go in there because they’re genitals & underwear have got a bit tangled up & they need the privacy to adjust themselves.
Some men use cubicles because they recognise someone standing at the urinals & want privacy from them because they know them.
Some men use cubicles because they don’t like the urinals because they have no dividers or because it’s a trough & they know that someone might have to stand literally right next to them if there’s no room for distancing.

You mention that this pub you went to only had one cubicle.
If you’re on a pub crawl then try waiting til you’re in a pub with more than one cubicle & try using that one. That way there’s less likely to be one man waiting to go in after you & you will feel less pressure to urinate as soon as possible to make the cubicle vacant. If you go to one pub as your regular then try building your level of urgency up to between 8 & 10 before you try to use the gents.
Try keeping an eye until your friends have been to the gents & go after them so you don’t have to worry or have the pressure of them being in the room at the same time as you.

I still strongly recommend that you go to a ukpt workshop. There you will be taught methods like the one’s I’ve just mentioned & taught how to think differently when using public conveniences like the examples I have given you above but in the meantime, have a think about the things I’ve just said.

Yes! Do the online workshop in the meantime if you can Ryan. I’m encouraging you here!

Hi Ryan
We have just decided to run a one day online (virtual) workshop on Saturday 10th December. It is not on the website booking page yet but will be soon. Keep an eye on the page. This is an easy way to start addressing the issue
Cheers
Andrew

Hi Ryan - good to read your post. Welcome to the forum!

A person may have been waiting for you to finish in the stall but seeing as it was a stall you were using then they would be assuming you were taking a dump & therefore just waiting for as long as it took for the stall to become vacant, just like you would have done if you were waiting to use the cubicle for a dump before you developed paruresis. It takes as long as it takes so try to reduce the pressures you are putting on yourself.
If the person isn’t waiting to use the stall for a dump then they too may sufferer from paruresis and would completely understand how you feel.
We don’t know why each individual person uses a cubicle.

I wouldn’t say that your behaviour with peeing before is “weird” - just different to your friends. Maybe they use cubicles too?
Try monitoring you level of urgency before you go to the gents & wait til it’s at least an 8 out of 10 before trying & see if that helps.
In your state of anxiety you may be trying to pee when you’re not quite ready to go & this will have an affect on your water works.
Try not to let your paruresis depress you.
If you’ve never attended a workshop then please do so at your soonest convenience.
If you read my last post you will see how helpful & successful it was to me.
Best of luck to you!

Hi Gary & sorry you’re going through a hard time with paruresis.
If you haven’t been to a workshop then I strongly recommend you give it a go. Take your brother for moral support if you can & it may help him too.
The workshop would probably be much better that Cbt, at least for a start.
You will meet other men with similar or same thoughts & experiences as you which is a great comfort.
Show your girlfriend posts on this website & go on Wikipedia to show her that this is a recognised medical condition. She should understand & sympathise more with you then. Don’t give up!