I’ve been struggling with this ever since I was a young boy probably 10ish. Grew up in a single parent household with my mum. Used to see my dad 2 days of the month, the problem being everything he said it would stick. I loved him I wanted him to feel proud of me but I always knew he thought less of me and my older brother, the ones he had before his new marriage after he cheated on my mother with his secretary. I think I can sort of pin it on him. I remember as a child this was a massive issue for me. Maybe being around my mum constantly, going into the female toilets with her. Her having her own internal issues. I remember at my dad’s I used to try pee with the door open and sometimes he’d catch me and slap me and tell me to shut the door. Me pissingn the bed up til I was 16. Heartache. Grew up poor whilst my dad and his family had it all. Growing up being called a tramp by peers does something to you. In my adolescent years I made a bit of money and at 17 we booked a holiday to magaluf. My friends parents all paid for them, I paid for myself. I thought this was my time to leave it all behind me and get over this once and for all as I always knew that was a problem for me. It didn’t work out like that. I was spiked and robbed on the first night of that holiday. My friends laughed and told the whole of Facebook. I was so embarrassed, scared. Wasn’t sure whether I’d been raped as I had no clothes on. Life just never gave me a day off then I found weed and I’ve been addicted to that daily for about 17 years. It’s been that thing that I can use to say I don’t like doing social things. I do, I just can’t do it. My mind constantly thinks about toilet situations and I assess my drinking to make sure I don’t need to go where I can’t go. I saw a therapist for a while and it helped zero. Literally zero. I’m so upset I’m 32 and my life’s been stolen from me. I had dreams of making something of myself but my brain won’t let me forget. It’s so embarrassing I can’t even tell anyone. I hate it. Wish Elons brain chip would work for this so we can all just get on with our lives and not be robbed of it. I was diagnosed with MS 3 years ago after having my first daughter and it absolutely broke me. All this emotional trauma finally got the better of my health and now I’m just tired all the time. I’m sorry you also have to deal with this. I hope your stories not as awful as mine. My brain goes back to that part of big daddy where he helps the little boy go for a piss in the open. I feel that’s all I needed as a kid. Protect your kids, mine will never feel the pain like this.
My best wishes
2 months 3 days ago