Hi Luke
I’m glad you have found our website forum and so been able to get it all off your chest. As you’d expect, we totally get what you have been and are going through, having been there ourselves. Sadly no-one around you can relate to it; in contrast we find that most guys we come across know someone, at first or second remove, who has paruresis to some extent, or if not can understand where you are coming from. Also there are plenty of guys who are not chronic, but like a bit of privacy and so can find it more difficult to go in challenging situations.
I am very concerned that it is destroying you; we have to help you out of this.
Firstly we strongly encourage you to go to your GP again to say that you get uncontrollable “urinary retention” which on a plane flight can be dangerous to your health.
Up to now they have been dismissive. It should help to say there is a UK charity for this condition, and would they please read the website. One of the trustees is a clinical psychologist as are the Honorary Advisors. That will give the condition validity.
Take along some screen prints of our website. For instance the FAQ explains why you can’t pee.
Then ask to be prescribed ISC which is Intermittent Self-Catheterisation. If the GP queries this, say the charity recommends it for serious cases, and for situations like a plane where there is no option. The GP should prescribe you these catheters, and then a nurse should show you how to use them. People swear by them.
With a catheter, you can empty your bladder in a cubicle very easily; in fact you can’t stop the flow!
Secondly get yourself along to one of our Beginners’ workshop. The workshop will move you a good way forward. Just read some of the postings headed “Feedback” on the forum. The Workshop tab on the website explains what they are, give a list of where and when they are, and enables you to book on one.
You mention not being able to afford a large fee for CBT. Our fee is £120, and then there is a hotel room for two nights on top. If that is a problem, we can sub you to ensure you can attend. That’s what we are here for .
You say you have a hectic schedule soon. This requires you to reframe your view of your life. If a doctor said you had a life-threatening illness and had to go to hospital for treatment, you would cancel everything. This is the same. You are terrified your mental health will suffer: in that case sorting that out must come before anything else including work. No point being a mental wreck musician who can’t play in gigs.
Get back to me either here on this forum or by email to the support address.
Together we can beat it!
Andrew