Posted by Joe on 27/10/2009, 2:00 pm
i have no life...period. and nothing i do is able to change it.
i keep reading where other people who suffer with AP are still able to have a life.
they have jobs. they go to school and get diplomas. they do their social things with friends.
i have to ask...how is that possible?
i've done everything suggested to do...
workshops, cbt, breath holding, etc. and i've seen so many counselors, therapists, psychologists, and other doctors.
i've read everything there is on the subject.
and nothing is working for me...nothing.
and i can't find anyone who truly understands the life i've lived.
IPA was a joke...they said...AP was not my problem. that something else was the problem.
when i told my story, how many years ago (over 30yrs ago) when i killed myself as a kid, they told me to call 911 immediately.
and the more i opened with my story, the negative aspects, the more they deleted my posts.
thats not support...that is judgment...then they kept asking me for donations...wtf?
who are they to tell me AP is not my problem?
I think i know what I have lived through my entire life every time i approach a public bathroom.
i think i know the excruciating bladder pains i've endured all these years...trying to have some form of life.
i endured ungodly excruciating pains in middle and high school that did nothing but traumatize me.
i endured those same pains working every job i've had...
when you're in that kind of pain...laughing only intensifies that pain.
and i cannot begin to describe the emotional damage of living that way and growing up like this has done.
the isolation it puts me in......the anxiety i go through....the severe depression that consumes my days.
there are so many negative aspects of being paruretic...that i dont see how all these other sufferers are able to have a life.
i've tried so many times to be a part of a relationship and marriages...and they all fail.
they fail because i am not able to live a normal life...they call me flawed. dysfunctional. you name it, i've heard it.
every time i've opened and explained why my life is so screwed up...they all go away and never talk to me again.
today...i sit in a world where i have no friends and no family.
i've had so many jobs over the years, that i can't get a job anymore.
employers dont want someone who cant keep a job...
and the way our system works...no job means no income. no income means homeless.
and it seems to be my next step in being paruretic.
that is what being paruretic has done...and continues doing to me.1212
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