Posted by Ed on 3/1/2010, 3:29 pm
I haven't really spoke much about my AP on a discussion board before, but feel that it is time to share abit about my experiences because I feel that i'm not moving forward much.
I have had problems using public restrooms since i was 16 (im now 23) and started properly confronting my paruresis last september after years of dealing with it at university and in other awkward situations. At my first london workshop after practicing with a buddy, I managed to go quite a few time in a big restroom with dividers. I even got to the point where I managed to go standing next to someone with dividers, which was something i wouldn't have been able to do prior to the workshop. I came out of the weekend feeling a big weight off my shoulders knowing that i could now talk about it, but quickly saw a dip in my progress.
I made a few attempts to fluid load but i found it quite difficult to find a good place and felt like I was back at square one. I then decided to go on a second workshop, which was a massive help. I was alot more relaxed this time, and like the first time saw a major improvement. In the morning on the first day, i'm not sure how this happened but I managed to go everytime. Although a little anxious I was able to go in big restrooms without dividers and after an hour or so managed to go standing next to people in a very busy small restroom.
I was a little taken back by this big leap to success and it stuck on my mind that it was just luck. In the afternoon, because i had been thinking about it over lunch, I found it hard to go again which knocked my confidence. Since then I have been making a big effort to fluid load every weekend and sometimes i do well and other times not so well. I feel that I have got to get in the flow of going to the toilet before i can relax which means in one off situations I freeze.
Does anyone who's been there, have any advice for what I should be doing now that im at this point. Should I be fluid loading more often then once a week? What else should i be doing to help myself progress? I am keeping a diary, which I feel helps a bit.
I know that its going to take time and it hasn't been long since I started confronting it, but I keep feeling that I'm back at square one everytime I have a misfire.
Sorry for the essay. Thanks in advance for any replies.
Ed1458
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