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Hows it going everyone ive just completed the weekend workshop in London and what a difference it has made. There was so much to listen to and so much advice that it should make that special breakthrough we have been looking for. We even had a good laugh which was good. Its quite funny how we could laugh at one another because we understand what each of us have gone through. But if someone laughs at us who hasnt got ap we would probably get very upset. Thats what was good being with people that understood. Anyway im loading up with loads of water tomorrow and going to different bogs etc. This is the most important part starting as you mean to go on remember misfire who cares. And to my irish slash buddys c u soon for those drinks yay hay.
Well, that was an interesting weekend. After finding this site and Steven Soifer's book I'd already done quite a bit of work last year following some of the advice I'd read so I had some idea of what to expect at the workshop, but there's nothing more helpful than having the opportunity to meet and talk to others going through the same experience and to be able to practice among people who totally understand what you're going through - it makes it so much easier. I found it uncanny how some of your thought patterns seemed to be so similar to my own! "what if..." etc.
My thanks to Andrew, Colin and everyone else on the workshop for the support, encouragement and just for being such good company Although I'm still a long way off the point where it feels completely natural, by the end of the weekend I felt able to go in situations that would have made me turn for the door a couple of days earlier and it's certainly begun to change the way I look at things.
Hope everyone else found it as useful. I'm more determined than ever to nail this now, and looking forward to the follow-up!
Hello everyone! I found the weekend very helpful, and it sorted out a lot of "faulty thinking" in me. During the past week, I've been faking it at any opportunity in public urinals. This is getting me used to just being in the situation of standing at the urinal, no matter who is or isn't around, and not worrying. Because the intention is to fake it, this takes away the pressure of having to "succeed"; but it's turned out that I've often ended up peeing anyway! I did a desense session in town yesterday. It was made slightly easy for me because I was on an urgency level of about 9! But that's ok. What I need to practise also is going in pubs and social situations, amongst people I know. It was really great to meet everyone on the workshop, and the sense of support for each other makes dealing with this thing so much more manageable. I would like to say to anyone who's thinking of going on a beginners workshop: GO! There's nothing to worry about. It's the best step you can take if you want to start breaking free of the fear and limitation of paruresis! Cheers guys, keep in touch. Rupert :-)
Thanks to Andrew and Colin for investing so much of their time and money in helping others at these invaluable workshops. Thanks also to my fellow participants. Talking and working with all of you was very enjoyable and helped to take my mind off the “problem”. To any people who are thinking of attending a workshop, I would like to share my experiences and some of what I learned at the session in the hope that it will encourage you to attend a future session. The staff in the hotel used for the workshop are not aware of the nature of the UKPT or of the people who take part. To them it is just another conference which brings in money and prestige to their hotel. If you can possibly afford it, stay in the conference hotel. Rushing backwards and forwards to and from your home address will make you anxious and probably late for sessions. You need to be relaxed – indulge yourself and stay at the hotel with your new friends. Just imagine the sheer relief of sharing your eperiences with other people who understand completely a problem which has previously ruined your life. You will make new friends with whom you can share your AP with humour and understanding. You will meet other people who are worried about the condition and you will get along famously with them – it is such a relief to communicate and laugh with other “sufferers”. The workshop relaxes you and takes the tension out of your problem; everybody else is in the same boat. When you visit a public toilet, relax. Do not rush. Concentrate only on what you want to do not on what others are doing; it is of no significant concern to you. Do not worry about what the bloke next to you thinks – he is only interested in emptying his bladder – it is of no more consequence to him than driving to work, walking down the road, or getting up in the morning. Take all the time you need. If you cannot start, never mind just stand there and try again later. You have not failed. You have succeeded; you have simply “misfired” on this occasion. You may be able to perform the next time or the next time but one; but, if not, do not worry about it. It is of no particular concern. Simply stand there for as long as you want and “fake it.” If it takes you a long time to get started or to maintain a steady flow, that is your right. While you are at the urinal or in a cubicle, you own that space for as long as you need to occupy it. You do not rush to release a parking space because someone else may need it! You have as much right to relieve yourself as does the “fastest slasher in the West” – you just take slightly longer. That is your right – you are probably a more thoughtful and intelligent person. Other people in the public toilet are interested only in emptying their bladders, they have no interest in you whatsoever – they probably don’t even notice you. Even if they glance at you, it is just a normal reflex action. You will probably be an intelligent, sensitive human being who respects other people and worries about what others think. As I have learned, it does not matter what others think of you; just enjoy being yourself. Tell the people closest to you – share your secret with those you can trust. Stop beating yourself up; you have as much right to exist as the next person. The course is led by fellow APs who have gone a long way to recovery. They are non-judgemental people who are willing to give up a weekend of their busy schedule to help others. Thank goodness for such people! Nobody forces you to do anything, you are in complete control. If you do not want to do anything no one will attempt to coerce you. Try to find the best in everyone and all situations – look for the positive side of everything. Tell yourself that you will succeed rather than that you will fail. Remember it is not your conscious mind that causes your shy bladder it is your subconscious over which you have no direct control. Best wishes to all fellow APs. Please attend a workshop if you have not already done so.
I was quite anxious in the days leading up to this workshop, but in the first minutes of entering the room I quickly realised that wow, this was a room of normal people, that all shared a common problem! It was an amazing weekend and there was no pressure from anybody, just the relief that for once everyone there knew what I was thinking, and was probably thinking the same things. It felt good to talk openly about our/my situations and just seeing that no-one looked at me funny was such a relief! It was great to hear all the same stories I have been through personally, leaving early from the pub, finding alleys to pee in away from the pub toilets(!), having 3 pees before leaving the house just in case, etc, etc. But nonetheless, the weekend wass well structured, Andrew and Colin were very understanding and the people I met, and that you will meet, helped me come to the realisation that this is all in the head and we are not alone with this.
I went to a weekend session a few months ago & have been meaning to put this on the forum ever since but have been so busy with work have not had time.
I just want to say like many of you making that first step is very hard but believe me it was the best decision I have ever made.
I have had PA for nearly 20 years and meeting other normal guys with normal jobs, lives etc was a massive relief (excuse the pun). Before the weekend had finished I managed to go in the urinals with 2 other guys from the workshop & then later in public toilets. It was very emotional & made me realise how much of it is all in our heads.
I am still in touch with a few guys & met up only recently for what was supposed to be a few pints but ended up being alot more. It was a great night & we didn't spend all of it talking about our PA issues as we all had other more interesting stories to tell. We will continue to meet up and hopefully one day our PA will be something of the past.
My point is I would never be able to meet people with the same issues & get excellent advice from Andrew & Colin if I did not attend.
If you do one thing this year sign up,...it is worth every penny & there is nothing to fear.
Good luck
Rob
(this posting was originally separate; I have copied it into this thread - Andrew)