Posted by Peter Birch on 11/3/2010, 11:15 am, in reply to "Re: Feedback London beginners workshop feb 2010"
Thanks also to my fellow participants. Talking and working with all of you was very enjoyable and helped to take my mind off the “problem”.
To any people who are thinking of attending a workshop, I would like to share my experiences and some of what I learned at the session in the hope that it will encourage you to attend a future session.
The staff in the hotel used for the workshop are not aware of the nature of the UKPT or of the people who take part. To them it is just another conference which brings in money and prestige to their hotel.
If you can possibly afford it, stay in the conference hotel. Rushing backwards and forwards to and from your home address will make you anxious and probably late for sessions. You need to be relaxed – indulge yourself and stay at the hotel with your new friends.
Just imagine the sheer relief of sharing your eperiences with other people who understand completely a problem which has previously ruined your life.
You will make new friends with whom you can share your AP with humour and understanding. You will meet other people who are worried about the condition and you will get along famously with them – it is such a relief to communicate and laugh with other “sufferers”. The workshop relaxes you and takes the tension out of your problem; everybody else is in the same boat.
When you visit a public toilet, relax. Do not rush. Concentrate only on what you want to do not on what others are doing; it is of no significant concern to you. Do not worry about what the bloke next to you thinks – he is only interested in emptying his bladder – it is of no more consequence to him than driving to work, walking down the road, or getting up in the morning.
Take all the time you need. If you cannot start, never mind just stand there and try again later. You have not failed. You have succeeded; you have simply “misfired” on this occasion. You may be able to perform the next time or the next time but one; but, if not, do not worry about it. It is of no particular concern. Simply stand there for as long as you want and “fake it.”
If it takes you a long time to get started or to maintain a steady flow, that is your right. While you are at the urinal or in a cubicle, you own that space for as long as you need to occupy it. You do not rush to release a parking space because someone else may need it!
You have as much right to relieve yourself as does the “fastest slasher in the West” – you just take slightly longer. That is your right – you are probably a more thoughtful and intelligent person. Other people in the public toilet are interested only in emptying their bladders, they have no interest in you whatsoever – they probably don’t even notice you. Even if they glance at you, it is just a normal reflex action. You will probably be an intelligent, sensitive human being who respects other people and worries about what others think. As I have learned, it does not matter what others think of you; just enjoy being yourself.
Tell the people closest to you – share your secret with those you can trust. Stop beating yourself up; you have as much right to exist as the next person.
The course is led by fellow APs who have gone a long way to recovery. They are non-judgemental people who are willing to give up a weekend of their busy schedule to help others. Thank goodness for such people!
Nobody forces you to do anything, you are in complete control. If you do not want to do anything no one will attempt to coerce you.
Try to find the best in everyone and all situations – look for the positive side of everything. Tell yourself that you will succeed rather than that you will fail.
Remember it is not your conscious mind that causes your shy bladder it is your subconscious over which you have no direct control.
Best wishes to all fellow APs. Please attend a workshop if you have not already done so.
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