March 2003
Just thought I would share my story so far…and the steps I have taken to beat my AP. I have suffered for almost 20 odd years, but it has really gotten to me in the last 2, hence my finding the board etc. I could use stalls most of the time but not under pressure and maybe urinals if no one came in.
In the last two years I have tried hypnosis, which I found was good for positive thinking but didn't cure me.
Next I felt so down that I went to my local GP (who had never heard of AP); he referred me to a clinical psychologist. Because the waiting list was a few months, I decided to go private and the sessions really helped to unburden my mind and focus on recovery. He applied 'EMDR' which helped me a great deal. I actually broke down and cried and let it all out…all the pain of my AP…but felt much better for this!
So the next step was to pluck up the courage and try a workshop. I attended the first UKPT workshop in Manchester hosted by Andrew Smith and Prof Alex Gardener. As I had read Steven Soifer's book on AP I kinda knew what to expect…lotsa desensing in a controlled environment.
To say the workshop was a liberating experience would be an understatement!
10 guys…all in the same boat…all at different levels…one goal…to beat AP!!
We started desensing in threes in the hotel rooms (scary, bizarre and funny at the same time)…we were like 'how mad is this???!'…but such is the nature of desensing…you are in control etc. I did pretty well, made new friends, and learned that I was not a freak. By the end of the weekend workshop I got to the stage where I could pee next to a buddy out in the various public toilets we tried; obviously there were many misfires as well.
The workshop was the key!…I also learned a whole new way of approaching AP and re-thinking those situations , which I took with me and which spurred me on to do regular desensing sessions at my local motor services and local gym etc.
JULY 2003
I have just attended the follow up workshop in July and that went really well; I peed freely almost everywhere…with no problems! Things are definitely starting to click! I'm at the stage now where if I really need to pee i.e. on a 8 or 9 in a scale to 10, I can!…It's my need to go outweighing my anxiety!
I've been out desensing all over since last weekend and succeeded every time! My subconscious now lets me pee, and keeping up the desensing will allow my conscious mind to realize that 'hey I'm bloody doing this !!'
I will never say cured…but I can't believe how far I have come in five months.
I really hope this story gives hope to all out there, and shows that the workshop and a positive mental attitude can work!
Many special thanks to Andrew, Alex and all the good people I've met and who have given me support!
The next workshop will be announced soon…take it from one who knows…it's the best chance to work towards a cure!
Go for it!
FEB 2006
Wow, 3 years since my first workshop and my life has changed in SO many ways !
The workshop process and support is a PROVEN success system that I would recommend to anyone with AP , But you have to stop kidding yourself and REALLY want to get to the level you feel happy at and put the effort in !!
I've absolutely LOST COUNT of how many times I've peed in public since then and even going into a cubicle for a pee seems totally ALIEN!!
I still desense once or twice a week, just to re-enforce the old 'belief system' and also due to the fact that I work for myself at home and am simply not challenged anywhere. Sometimes, I may not desense for two weeks and pick up again later. I have had the odd misfire here and there (like any other 'normal blokes') but guess what ….. I just don't care anymore, because they are very few and far between, and I know it doesn't set me back !
I still think about AP from time to time (20 years of hurt takes time to heal) but now with all the re-enforced behaviour & successes , I'm on 'auto pilot' when stepping up to the urinal and nature takes over …ah….sweet normality !
Simply put ….I CAN NOW LIVE A NORMAL LIFE !
So many highlights and successes to mention since the workshop, but here's a few to mention:
Going clubbing with my workmate (who I have told and is very supportive) and peeing with him in a crowded nightclub trough .. absolutely unthinkable 3 years ago !
Watching concerts at the Manchester MEN arena (not the best urinals for AP sufferers!) and peeing freely when the need arises!
Every time I take my two young sons out (age 8 & 10) somewhere and we need the toilet, all standing together, peeing freely, it brings a smile to my face and I realise they won't suffer like I did for 20 years ! Also...
Special thanks to the workshop team …keep up the good work !
Lastly , To anyone who is scared to death of going on a workshop , I was in EXACTLY your position. It was THE best thing I've ever done to beat this !
PLEASE PLEASE TAKE THE FIRST STEP AND GET ON A WORKSHOP …you will NEVER regret it !
Living the dream…you can too !