If you have paruresis, you may well have developed some fairly elaborate ways of managing your trips to the toilet. Things that would probably seem completely bizarre to anyone who doesn't have paruresis.
For example…
When you walk into a public toilet and immediately size up the situation, you may wonder…
How many people are in there?
Which cubicles are free?
Is there anyone standing at a urinal?
Is anyone using the hand dryer?
Could you possibly use that cubicle? No. Too close to the door.
What about that one? No. Someone's just come in.
Best wait.
So you pretend to do something else, like look at your phone, as though you're incredibly interested in an email from 2019.
And then…
Someone else walks in and you're thinking…
Uh oh …. time to leave.
We've all been there, haven't we?
The art of choosing the perfect toilet
People without paruresis probably don't give much thought to which urinal or cubicle they use. But people with paruresis approach it like a military operation.
Quietest toilet? Check
Cubicle furthest from everyone else? Check
No one waiting outside? Check
Preferably a toilet in a building that nobody else knows exists? Perfect
And if you find an unusually quiet toilet? You've hit the jackpot.
You may even remember its location for years.
"I'll just wait…"
You go into the toilet.
You could probably pee… but someone is nearby.
So you wait.
And wait.
And wait a bit longer.
Then the person leaves.
Great! Now I can pee!
Except… another person walks in.
Back to square one.
The phone trick
Suddenly your phone becomes fascinating to you while you're waiting for your bladder to cooperate.
You check the news.
You check your emails.
You look at the weather forecast.
You scroll through social media. Again.
You check the message you've already read three times.
Anything to avoid looking like you're sitting there thinking…
"PLEASE JUST LET ME PEE."
Of course, the longer you're there, the more conspicuous you feel.
They'll think I'm doing something weird.
Which, ironically, makes it even harder to pee.
Planning your entire day around toilets
Perhaps you've become a bit of a toilet planner.
You know where the quiet toilets are.
You know which motorway services are best.
You've mentally mapped the toilets in your workplace.
You've probably got a favourite department store toilet.
And if you're going somewhere unfamiliar, Google Maps isn't the only thing you're checking.
You're thinking…
"I wonder what the toilet situation is like."
Holiday? Toilet strategy.
Train journey? Toilet strategy.
Airport? Serious toilet strategy.
Then there are the drinks…
You might have become very good at calculating how much you dare to drink.
"One coffee should be fine."
"Maybe not another one."
"Definitely not a pint."
"Actually, perhaps I'd better not drink anything at all."
Which can be particularly awkward when someone says: "Would you like a drink?"
That is when you mentally calculate the consequences of a small glass of water.
The good news?
If any of this sounds familiar, there's a very good chance you're not particularly weird.
You're experiencing something that many other people with paruresis experience.
That is just one of the reasons we have the UKPT Forum.
Sometimes reading a medical description of paruresis is helpful.
But sometimes what you really need is to read that someone says…
"I do that too!"
The forum is a place where people with paruresis can ask questions, share experiences, talk about the things they find difficult and, importantly, celebrate the little victories.
You might discover that the thing you've been convinced is uniquely strange about yourself, is actually something lots of other people do.
You don't have to write a long post.
You don't even have to post at all.
You can simply have a look around.
Read what other people are saying.
See if anything sounds familiar.
Then if, or when, you're ready, join in.
Sometimes the most reassuring thing about paruresis isn't being given another explanation of why it happens. It's discovering that someone else understands exactly what you're talking about.
Have you got a paruresis habit that you'd always assumed was just you?
Why not share it on the UKPT Forum?
You might be surprised how many people reply…
"Yep. Me too!"