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Recently I have been working on my emotional fear and anxiety in other areas of my life. As a result I have found it easier to get my flow started. The other day after two hours driving and despite my best efforts to adjust fluid intake before leaving I had a very high urge and managed to go immediately I entered a toilet at the motorway services. Previously it would have taken me a lot longer to go if at all. I would have ended up after a lot of trying, very anxious, in pain and having to use pads or a catheter as a last resort.
Re: Improvement
Posted by trees45 on 26/6/2014, 4:01 pm, in reply to "Improvement"
As a PS to the above post from yesterday. Today I have been explorying the root cause of my pauresis with my counsellor. As a result I was unable to get my flow started in a private facility. Totally locked up. Had to resort to catheterization as it wouldn't have been adviseable to hold any longer with a high level of urgency. Having said that I now accept it's part of the process to fluctuate & I don't feel too discouraged. I Feel so much better having shared it. I'm confident I'll be back on track by tomorrow. Hopefully this will encourage others.
Re: Improvement
Posted by Lucy on 30/6/2014, 9:05 pm, in reply to "Re: Improvement"
Good for you. When you say other areas of your life, how are you doing that? Don't mean to pry I am just at a low point at the moment and peeing isn't the only think that makes me anxious.
Re: Improvement
Posted by Ann on 30/6/2014, 10:40 pm, in reply to "Re: Improvement"
Hi Trees45 - interesting to see that you are working on your more general anxiety. I have found over a number of years that my peeing problems tend to worsen when I have high anxiety levels in other areas. I underwent some counselling too which did help eventually, but it took a long time and I found it quite traumatic. My counselling was focussed more on my general anxiety than specifically paruresis, but as my general anxiety improved my peeing problems became more manageable and didn't dominate my life as much. I have also had some quite lengthy spells on anti-depressants which I found very helpful too - they certainly helped me to find the motivation to see the counselling through. I know they're not right for everyone and it took some experimentation to find the right one, but they have really helped me at times. Not least they help me to sleep better - when I get anxious I have trouble sleeping, then I have trouble peeing, then I get more anxious - it can be a vicious circle. Sorry to hear you're struggling a bit at the moment Lucy. Anxiety can make life difficult in so many ways can't it. I wish I could say something which might help. Low points pass but it's difficult not knowing how long they'll last. Take care
Re: Improvement
Posted by TREES45 on 11/7/2014, 5:58 pm, in reply to "Re: Improvement"
Hi Ann, Thanks for your response. Counselling can be very traumatic in my experience it is part of the process. If you have a reputable counsellor you should be able to explore whatever is uppermost for you at that time.Yes some issues are extremely difficult to face and work through, but until we do we won't feel any better - no pain no gain! It's good to know that it's part of the process to experience a relapse when feeling anxious, I can live with that.
Re: Improvement
Posted by TREES45 on 11/7/2014, 5:06 pm, in reply to "Re: Improvement"
Hi Lucy, I'm working on my anxieties by exploring the root causes most of which stem from early childhood with a counsellor.I'm also a training to be a EQ development therapist and have regular sessions,(Google it),they complement each other very well. Neither of these approaches are a quick fix it's our personal process that needs working through. It has been and still is painful but no pain no gain! I feel so much more confident from when I first started though as I have shared I still have relapses at times especially when revisiting issues. Hope this helps.
Re: Improvement
Posted by Ann on 13/7/2014, 8:17 pm, in reply to "Re: Improvement"
Hi Trees45 - I hadn't come across EQ development therapy. I did google it and it does seem to make sense on first sight. When I went into counselling for the first time I hadn't realised how traumatic it might be and thought that I was receiving it as one might receive a pill "here, this will make you better". Big mistake, but unless anyone tells you, you don't know. I haven't attended one of the UKPT weekend courses, but I'd be really interested to know how, or if, the UKPT feel that counselling of any sort has an additional or supplementary role to play - any views on this Andrew?
Re: Improvement
Posted by Andrew on 18/7/2014, 6:19 pm, in reply to "Re: Improvement"
Hello Ann
First I apologise for taking so long to reply; due partly to other commitments, and secondly by my feeling that it would not be a quick answer!
But first a health warning: I am not a professional practitioner: what is say is as a layman.
The workshops use a CBT approach to addressing paruresis, as an avoidant condition, so graduated desensitisation is used. In addition we address cognitive elements e.g. the participants’ false beliefs; this is done by explaining the real world, and also our own personal experience. We can also demonstrate some of these. We also instruct them in how the body works, both physically and psychologically. So you see that this is taking the participant where she is now, and working on moving forward.
What we don’t do, because we don’t have the time or the resources, is to deal with whatever caused the paruresis. We do have a session where they can share their experiences, including how it started (if they know); having broken the ice, we find they do talk more about it during the social parts of weekend.
You asked: “how, or if, the UKPT feel that counselling of any sort has an additional or supplementary role to play”.
It certainly can do. I feel the participants could be split into two categories. 1. Those for whom it is something to be dealt with, and who have no hang-ups about it. 2. Those who can identify to causative event, or have a hang-up
I feel the former do not need additional counselling: the CBT approach works for them
The latter however can benefit from counselling. There can be unresolved issues that impede progress with CBT. Vicious bullying in a school toilet can damage a child’s self-confidence; it can mean that entering a toilet can trigger the memory. So whereas for the first group, desensitisation is dealing only with the social aspect, for the second category, desensitisation has to desensitise also that unpleasant memory. Not the best way of dealing with it.
Counselling can unpack the memory, help the subject to unload her anger, help her to realise that the perpetrators are very unlikely to have any memory of the event, also that the subject is now an adult with autonomy, and not a pupil hemmed in by rules etc.
The anger aspect can be helpfully dealt with by sitting the subject facing an empty chair, and asking the subject to visualise the bully as sitting in the chair. Explaining that she is in a safe place with you, invite her to tell the story of what happened from her point of view, and/or to express how she feels about the bully. It needs careful and empathetic handing, and can be cathartic. One the bottled up memory and emotions is released, the subject can feel at peace, and then the CBT work can progress more effectively.
This is only one example. Generalised social phobia can be at the root of paruresis as well, in which case ongoing counselling and support is needed. To understand what GSP can be like, take the case of a young man I was with. A lunch I asked how he was; “not good” he replied. “I am feeling nervous and it is making me sweat. I feel embarrassed that the other guys can see I am sweating profusely and must be wondering why” . The CBT approach is to look for evidence that the anxiety is valid. So I told him that I had not noticed he was sweating. That startled him. I then offered to ask the other three guys, who were talking among themselves, whether they had noticed. He was a bit taken aback by this but agreed. So I interrupted the and others explained how Bill was feeling and why, and asked if any of them had notice Bill was sweating profusely. Of course they able to sincerely express total ignorance of his sweating. Bill was amazed by this; it was a major step forward for him.
So to summarise, where there is a traumatic causative incident, or a generalised anxiety condition, additional therapy is not only desirable but necessary. As to which style of counselling is needed, I am not qualified tot comment.
Hope this helps.
Re: Improvement
Posted by Ann on 19/7/2014, 1:49 pm, in reply to "Re: Improvement"
Hi Andrew - thanks for your response. I realised after I had posted that I had put you on the spot a bit, so apologies for that, but I do think this is an issue which is clearly of interest. It is good to hear your views and how it fits with the UKPT weekend workshops although I do appreciate that you are not a mental health professional.
My own experience is very much in line with what you said. Your last example particularly rang bells for me. At one time I was very conscious of sweating when I became anxious in social situations, most specifically because it caused my specs to steam up and slip down my nose, which I felt made it apparent to everyone. My solution was simple - I started wearing contact lenses! It didn't reduce my original social anxiety but reduced the additional anxiety and eventually it all became much more manageable.