I know this is very late but I hope I can offer some support!
A bit of background: Now 26, I have suffered with paruresis for as long as I can remember. I kept it to myself and my parents thought I was being an absolute nuisance - not drinking even in hot weather, never using the bathroom then complaining later that I was desire are but still not being able to do anything about it, trying to avoid family days out... Eventually it erupted aged 15 when I was due to go on a band trip involving a 20 hr coach journey. We'd paid, rehearsed and I realised I wouldn't be able to manage. Now I still suffer with it, am careful with liquids before long journeys and sometimes am left bursting for a while, but I manage and enjoy a regular social life.
So first of all it's fantastic that your daughter has spoken about this with you!!
Here are a few things which I've found helped me temporarily and long term, and some things which I tried and didn't work for me:
I was recommended to take these on that trip by a urologist. I visited a nurse who showed me how to insert them. They were horrible, painful and I never succeeded putting one in by myself after the nurse did it. Nevertheless, it was comforting knowing that should I ever be so desperate then I could always use one.
Tried and was a fantastic waste of money. The focus was on helping me self-induce a calm trance-like state which I could then use when in the loo. Didn't work at all.
I began to just get teach myself to get comfortable being in public bathrooms - I'd go in and just wash my hands or brush my hair to look busy and get used to the environment. Sometimes I'd go into a stall, sit a little but without feeling pressure that I need to use it. I even visited a loo on the plane for the first time a couple of years ago! This helped me in two ways: firstly it removed the stress and pressure I had always felt in public loos, and secondly I began to see that other people use the loo in all different ways (short or long time, to do make up, wash hands, have a gossip...) and that no one really cares what anyone else is doing. Hearing other people urinate made me realise it's just not a big deal.
When other people knew I found it difficult to use the loo in various situations it removed a lot of pressure. I used to go into the stall, panic because I wasn't 'succeeding', and then panic again because I was spending too much time, so would give up very soon. It was embarrassing to tell my friends but I just mentioned it casually to people one-on-one and laughed about it a little and no one cared.
Turning on the taps
On trips away I'd take very quick showers morning and evening but leave the shower running while using the loo so no one would hear me or wonder why I was spending so long in the bathroom. Twice a day is better than nothing!
Not at this age of course, but with a small amount of alcohol inhibitions are lowered and sometimes now I find myself using a public loo without a second thought. (Not being drunk, but literally after one glass of wine...)
At the beginning of my 'recovery' I would go to a small public loo and tell myself I'm not leaving until I've used it. If someone else came in I'd just wait for them to leave. Having even one positive experience made way for more of them.
Very busy bathrooms
These are the easiest for me now, when there are so many people rushing in and out, the hand dryer is always going and nobody cares who anyone is.
These are just a few thoughts for now. I realise I've written a lot - I'm sorry!
I hope that some of these can help your daughter. More importantly I hope she knows that she's not alone in this, many people are very understanding and that she can work on it and improve!
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