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I dont remember how this came up, but just had a conversation in which being relaxed came up.
I have done yoga, where obviously being relaxed is a big part, but also rock climbing (think about it), sparring (any martial art - when someone is hitting you, you cover up but relax so you can strike back), music, work, relationships (sex)..... everything you do it always helps when you are relaxed
and what happens just before AP kicks in? You stress out
So I though I'd mention my thoughts on here. If you can be relaxed, the rest will follow
btw i remembered it was a conversation about work.. If you can relax at work you can relax at a urinal
Re: Relax
Posted by Steve# on 23/5/2010, 2:36 pm, in reply to "Relax"
That's some interesting thoughts there Bob & I am inclined to agree with you but find that this condition is a more of an in-grainned reaction which unfortunately seems to thrive on our 'over active' senses. Relaxed & in control in normal situations like perhaps being at work is of course possible because the mind realises there is no real threat likely to happen & if so is not going to be totaly catastrophic. But when I step into the toilets - just going through the door then a whole powerful set of thoughts enters my mind & I go in to perhaps what could be seen as self protection mode whic leads to hiding & hence 'avoid'. Your comparrision to the climbers is mainly focused on the skill of climbing itself & in such situation it is very important to be relaxed - however this is something that is learnt in learning of that technique & instills futher with progression in that sport which will eventualy lead to success. AP seems to use all your sub-concious reactions that you have no real way of controlling but perhaps lending or prcatising to use a mindset you would use in what you have mentioned may indeed be helpful -with (switching back control) in what we perceive as dangerous situations. All the best Steve
Re: Relax
Posted by Simon on 28/5/2010, 9:23 pm, in reply to "Re: Relax"
I agree it is all about relaxation.
The problem with the bladder is that it is not like tensing / relaxing the muscles in your arm. Your arm muscles can be consciously flexed using direct nerves from the brain via the spinal cord. The bladder is under the control of something called the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. Basically, we don't have as much conscious control over this system (which also controls things like heart rate etc). It also responds to hormones like adrenaline. Here comes the relaxation bit - as we reach the toilet those nasty thoughts start triggering and the adrenaline gets released (heart beating slightly faster; sweaty palms etc.) And what else does adrenaline do - inhibits bladder emptying. So, relax, stop those thoughts, no adrenaline, easy peeing..... If only. Like you say Steve, they are so deeply ingrained no amount of relaxing thoughts help me! Love to hear of any techniques people have found actually work (e.g. has anyone tried something called exposure response therapy?)
Re: Relax
Posted by Andrew on 29/5/2010, 9:38 am, in reply to "Re: Relax"
Hi Simon
On the workshops we use a CBT approach: one component being graduated exposure therapy; the unique aspect of the workshop is that the leaders have so much experience of GET in the paruresis context that it can be very effective. I cant go into it all here, but our website www.ukpt.org.uk has a page on Components of a CBT Approach, which you may find helpful.
Feel free to follow this up on this board, or by email
BTW we have already had two clinical psychologists attend the workshops as clients.
cheers
Andrew
Re: Relax
Posted by Bob on 14/6/2010, 8:16 pm, in reply to "Re: Relax"
Thanks to everyone for your responses. I feel now I wish to defend my original statement. Steve, you say that whereas climbers have a skill ingrained into them, you have a fear ingrained into you. I can totally 100% sympathise with this view point, but the first step is to note that your fears are irrational, then you can identify these fears and then try to relax - rather than trying to force yourself to go and through this get more wound up - resulting in it being impossible to urinate. I have been desensing and doing CBT for a while now and usually I can now go with no problems, but every so often I find myself in awkward situations and unable to go, but I find if I am relaxed and dont treat it as a problem - I treat it as a stepping stone, or a lesson - I can either wait it out or come back a minute or 2 later. My point I guess is if you can not stand at a urinal and be relaxed you wont be able to urinate, so perhaps the first thing is to be able to relax and then worry about whether you can or cant go (sorry worry is probably the wrong word there!) Simon I must say to you Exposure therapy, or CBT, is the way forward. This is where you will walk all the necessary stepping stones to being able to be free of paruresis. In the time since I first started CBT my life has radically changed and although I still have a way to go, I am already a different person socially and in terms of confidence and happiness. When I first found this site I would not have imagined being able to type a message such as this, let alone stand next to someone in a toilet, unable to urinate.... Nowadays I dont give a XXXX, I am relaxed about it, and as such it is a tiny inconvience every now and then rather than a constant burden in my life Good luck to everyone you are in the right place to beat this
Re: Relax
Posted by Colin on 27/6/2010, 9:48 am, in reply to "Re: Relax"
Part of my relaxation technique is taking a deep slow breath in and exhaling slowly, but I pretend I am exhaling through my penis. It may seem weird, but it causes me to be able to focus on that muscle group and relax just that. If I'm alone, I hum, and pretend that's coming out my penis too... Same wacky story, but a success story all the same.