This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the
U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.
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Hi, glad to here there are so many peeps here with the same problem. I really need to attend the workshop. I have suffered from this problem since I guess secondary school. The way I always to found to cope with it is to duck out of whereever I am and find a quiete place with no one around. I have gone through alot of pain with this condition, it makes for one dating next to impossible. No one wants a date that keeps ducking out. Last date I had I was so fearful about going to the toilet I just couldn't even hold a conversation and we ended up calling it off. Not to mention I had no idea where I stood with this girl. I've never been a good chat up artist, I'm usually to shy to approach new women. However I have dated lots of women because they pick me up. I havn't had what anyone can call a long term relationship, but havnt felt parauresis was the big problem there. I simply get bored easily. I want to get back on the horse so to speak and meet someone, but even confiding this is kind of emasculating. I'm at the age when I want a partner and to start settling down, but this is a social disability. I've always enjoyed going to the pub, clubbing and going to festivals, but its always required me to find ways of ducking out which makes it rather inconveiniant. Luckily my mates are fairly understanding and now about it and don't usually question when I disappear, it does make sticking around long enough to interact and not be constantly anxious about peeing to make some inroads. When I was younger it seemed no problem finding girls, they would come to me. I good looking, used to be fairly at ease in public. I've always been quite loud and opinionated however I have suffered depression and anxiety, and am not sure if Im on the otherside. I guess I'm fairly psychologically damaged because I find it difficult love myself and consequently others. I guess my drunk mother has alot to do with it, also late diagnosed dyslexia which caused my grades to dive bomb at uni and self control issues that have always been an issue. I am not sure if the parauresis is a consequence of these problems causing low self esteem or it has contributed to my overall psychologically pathology. I do feel however that I would be able to live a normal life if I could pee when others were about. I have no fear of inadequacy, I really don't care what others think, I know Im good looking and more than adequate in the trouser department. I sure don't like getting and eyeful of another guys penis, but I go to the gym and get changed with others without a problem. I simply don't understand the psychological basis. I went to the doctor who sent me to the hospital, had a probe shoved up under anesthetic to see if there was a problem. Nothing. What are peoples expiriences with medications like. The doctor prescribed some but I didnt take more than once as there were too many don'ts with them. Has anyone found any that work? Is parauresis a disability and can we get radar keys for disabled convieniances because of it? I find disabled facilities really help me, if I can get into them that is. If parauresis is a disability that under DDA legislation employers have the duty to make reasonable adjustments if practicable. If they made a quite restroom available for your use would that be reasonable for a chronic sufferer?
Good to hear from you, glad you felt able to get your story off your chest.
You say this condition feels emasculating. Remember that women get it as well, and so it cannot be emasculating as such can it. It is a gender-neutral anxiety.
You are not sure whether your life experiences have contributed to your paruresis, and hence low self-esteem. These things can be interlinked. However because paruresis has a major impact on everyday life, hour by hour, any improvement in one’s paruresis can have a corresponding positive effect on self-esteem, and hence on other behaviours.
You say you don’t understand the psychological basis; you are in good company: most people don’t. Go to our website www.ukpt.org.uk. The explanation is there, and lots more besides, such as advice on things you can do.
Use toilets for the disabled, that is what they are for. If anyone questions you, say you have bladder problems (or problems with me waterworks). No need to elaborate. Once you mention bladder problems, they will back off. Don’t be aggressive, be assertive.
Re workshops, email me (use the support email address at top of the page) and I’ll ensure you get notified of the next beginners workshop.
Re DDA: tricky this. It has been used in tribunals. However in a work place, no-one wants to ask for special facilities because they don’t want anyone to know they have paruresis.
You can beat this; you just need to be shown how to do it, or to read it about it.
Hello Alex i can relate to everything you have said there thats even before we talk about are ap.I myself was taken away from class mates because i couldnt read and write properly so school was horrible i went to good strict catholic schools but when you have these problems it holds you back.I left school at 15 never passed any exams in my life so no university for me.One to one help is great but but only if you have the motivation to learn which of course i didnt because i struggled with it all maths english etc.I had a lot of different jobs and when i hit 22 i started to train for a better job i am currently on the face of it doing better then my old school friends what with owning my own home and being self employed but when you look deeper into my life i am not.For one i have never been a woman magnet just one long relationship in my life.I live alone and work very unsociable hours i am now 33 with depression and also ap you can read my other postings which are on the ap side of things but i have constant debt problems which mean i have no time for a woman in my life i would love to be free from my toilet problems but like everything in life its going to be alot of hard work the workshop is fantastic so get yourself on one Alex after you feel uve turned a corner the rest is up to you to fight it.Try to do alot of exercise it helps to stay on track its good for depression etc thanks for reading Michael.
Thankyou for all the replies guys. You are right about the exercise thing, those endorphins definately help stave off the blues. I will attend the next workshop and hopefully there will be some light at the end of the tunnel.