Firstly I’d like to say what a great job Andrew and his colleagues are doing here at UKPT.
I have decided to post as there does not seem to be much input at present - which is a shame.
My problems started in the 1970’s and were at their worst during the 1980’s. No internet in those days, and I really did think I was the only one with an issue.
It ruined relationships, hindered my social life, and became a great source of stress and anxiety. Despite all this I still told no one.
Many decades on I have it under control and it no longer controls me. I don’t regard myself as cured more a case of adjustment and living with it.
The old ridiculous preconceptions have mostly faded away, indeed many attitudes have changed. I notice these days more and more men prefer the privacy of using a cubicle to urinate. There is no longer a stigma to peeing in private. Back in the day jokes might prevail about a man having a small penis, if he uses a cubicle, but those that cracked the joke probably had their own insecurities. Equally I have now met many men who have admitted they can, and often do, have issues if forced to use a urinal because the cubicles are taken. They don’t regard themselves as sufferers of paruresis, just normal folk who prefer some privacy out of choice. The old notion that if you don’t use the urinals you must be a wimp is long gone. One advantage to a slightly more politically correct world!
These days I use a urinal the majority of the time but I avoid certain situations. For example two urinals very close together with no privacy divider. I don’t mind being first in and someone joining me once I have a flow going, but if someone is already there I may opt for a cubicle. I have not had a misfire in years and so take the view it’s just easier to use a cubicle.
Peeing with friends? As sufferers we often miss the key point that men often naturally avoid peeing with each other. I have been out with friends and with no discussion whatsoever we all seem to go to the loo separately, and indeed give each other space to do so. It’s what I call the natural order. But as paruresis sufferers it is something else to worry about – if you let it.
Anyway, the purpose of this post is to see if there are any folks in Berkshire who can relate to my story and wish to meet up for a chat? This is not a pee buddy request, as I believe that puts folks off. Meeting up with a stranger, having half a pint of shandy, and then heading straight for the urinals together is not my idea constructive assistance.
A pee buddy arrangement may work for some people, and I have no issue with that, but I don’t think it’s for me.
So, if anyone fancies a chat and a laugh... Yes, you need to laugh! Some of the things I have tried over the years to deal with paruresis are worthy of a book. I am sure we all have numerous tales to tell.
Jim
4 years 4 months ago
