U.K. PARURESIS TRUST

UK paruresis trust

This Discussion Board is for men who find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.For further information, visit our website, or contact us at

[ RETURN TO MESSAGE INDEX PAGE ] [ POST A REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE ]

im not alone..!!!!

Posted by ng51 guy on 26/3/2011, 1:44 pm

i thought i was the only one...!! i was even embarressed to look this subject up on line.....but im so glad that i have...its made me feel much better already...it seems iv got alot of reading to do...thanks a million for the site guys..ive suffered with this problem myself for at least 20 years now..

Re: im not alone..!!!!

Posted by Andrew on 26/3/2011, 9:10 pm, in reply to "im not alone..!!!!"

Hi ng51

You certainly are not the only one! As you say, there is plenty of reading here; and the more you read, hopefully the more at ease you will feel.

Feel free to share you own story here; it is as anonymous as you wish, and you will get supportive feedback.

cheers

Andrew

Re: im not alone..!!!!

Posted by Mark L on 26/3/2011, 10:32 pm, in reply to "Re: im not alone..!!!!"

Hi,

Welcome to the message board. Its a good feeling finding this place and reading everyones posts. Please tell us about yourself and your level of paruresis, im sure other posters can give you advice and encouragement.

Speak soon,

Mark

Re: im not alone..!!!!

Posted by ng51 guy on 27/5/2011, 7:53 pm, in reply to "Re: im not alone..!!!!"

this problem started for me in my teens..when out drinking in pubs and clubs...aged about 17-18...just going to use the urinals was a nitemare for me..so in the end i just tried to use the cubicals as much as i could..in the end i could not use the urinals at all...i just could not physically make myself pee at all, it would just not come out, no matter how much i had drunk..until i managed to get into a cubical...i started to only go to pubs with more than one cubical and alot of times just leave the pub entirely and go pee around the corner in a back alley ect...partys etc were just a complete nitemare for me..!!! i started djing in clubs all around the uk when i was 21...which was brilliant..!!! but the stress of using the loo,s in new locations was rediculous..this was also compounded by using drugs during my time as a dj.. drugs being ectasy, lsd and speed...one side effect of drugs is it shrinks your penis quite severely during the time your on them, you also loose your ability to pee when you want, very simular to paruresis actually...so as you can imagine the toilet time during my dj nites was stress levels on an unimaginable scale..sometimes i thought i was going to have an heart attack on my walk to the toilets...horrible....the drugs and clubs are all in my past now...but.. the condition is very much still with me ;o(

Re: im not alone..!!!!

Posted by Pete on 27/5/2011, 8:57 pm, in reply to "Re: im not alone..!!!!"

Too right you are not alone.
You wanna hear some of my mixing!!
Hi ng51 guy as well as having a love for playing tunes and( in the past taking ecstasy) I have also had paruresis for over 20 years.I am not sure when mine started probably early to mid teens.
Until early this year I had never heard of it.
Before I found out I spent time after time after year after year wondering,hoping never giving up how I could beat this thing.
Does this sound familiar to you and others?
My own advice is don't beat yourself up because it sure is not your fault
What I have been doing is looking at tips on this website.
Good luck in your journey!! Pete

Re: im not alone..!!!!

Posted by Mark L on 28/5/2011, 4:24 pm, in reply to "Re: im not alone..!!!!"

Hi,

Thanks for sharing your story. DJ'ing in clubs isnt really ideal with paruresis is it!

The nest thing you need to do is book your self onto a workshop. Im not sure where you live but there is one in September in London. It will make a hell of a difference and give you what you need to beat this thing. In the meantime, read through this forum and the main website and go out as often as you can for de-sensing.

All the best,

Mark

Re: im not alone..!!!!

Posted by ng51 guy on 8/6/2011, 10:05 pm, in reply to "Re: im not alone..!!!!"

hi mark....yeh djing in clubs was real bad at times..but its not alot better at work...i work in construction on big building sites, horrible portable toilet blocks just tempory set up until the project is finished...dirty , stinky, busy as hell on lunch breaks ect...its like a packed cattle truck in there...its always a major run the cauntlet session to get into one of them cubicals...god i hate it...ive worked on 3 sites in the past 10 months and there all the same...its just kind of the norm in the environment...mind you im far from alone as there is loads of other guys who use the cubicals for a piss when they dont need too..so that makes me feel less alien....it all helps..

Re: im not alone..!!!!

Posted by ng51 guy on 8/6/2011, 10:19 pm, in reply to "Re: im not alone..!!!!"

after finding this site and realising that what i have is a recognised condition i got drunk and...... told my mum..brother..sisters...and best friends that i suffer from it...wow what i releaf that was...they were all understanding( thank god ! ) one even told me they suffer from the same thing.. if you,ve ever thought of doing the same thing then just do it..!! my girlfriend already knows about it and is also totally understanding...but..it does not help the situation one bit when it come to the crunch time...

Re: im not alone..!!!!

Posted by ng51 guy on 8/6/2011, 9:52 pm, in reply to "Re: im not alone..!!!!"

hi pete..yes that sounds all to familiar...always thinking it may just end one day ..and i can just walk into any public toilet at any time and just have a piss WHEN I WANT TO......no chance..!!! i can use the cubicals, if i get that door closed behind me i can just switch off and then im in control...i can use the urinals if nobodys in there and im quick..but if i hear somebody coming in behind me ect or somebodys in there then theres no chance....ive done that embarrassing senerio of just standing there, not being able to go, then have to sculk off to the cubicals so many times now that i just dont bother...and just head to cubicals everytime if anyones around..

Re: im not alone..!!!!

Posted by Mark L on 9/6/2011, 9:30 pm, in reply to "Re: im not alone..!!!!"

That pretty much sums it up! The good thing about de-sensing is that you get used to standing at urinals and it starts to feel more 'normall'. Try walking in to a large, busy public WC and just stand at a urinal and fake it. There is no pressure to go, you are simply just acting out the steps. This way, you will not associate urinals with anxiety and embarrasement. Instead, you will be more accustomed to being stood at one.

If you feel you need a challenge (once you have improved your AP) you can use smaller, quiter WCs. Tactically follow someone in after say 30 secs, and in that time the chances are they will be finished and at the sink so by the time you arrive, you can stand at the urinal and see what happens, knowing that the other person will soon be leaving.

The more time you spend in WCs with the door open/at urinals weather faking it or not, the better!

Mark

Re: im not alone..!!!!

Posted by Pete on 11/6/2011, 8:02 pm, in reply to "Re: im not alone..!!!!"

Hi ng51 guy I am trying to stand there at the urinal, and go and if someone comes in then they come in.I stand there and pretend to be finishing off and also just pause for a few seconds.when someone comes in when I am trying to start I tend to lock up, but another thing I am trying to do is fake it when I can and just try to get used to being there.I struggle in cubicles with the door open or round peoples houses at parties e.t.c and in cubicles where toilets are busy, and in other situations I am sure! But in general it is the silence in the toilet that makes it hard for me to start .
Take the urinals at london Waterloo for example.Dividers very big and busy toilets, lots of toilets flushing ,fans ,water running etc.I can go at the urinals there most of the time and that place can get busy but I can't go for wee in front of mates at work.
I am telling myself and realising that when I lock up it is not a conscious act in other words it is not my fault so if this makes sense what I am trying to say is that I no longer beat myself up so much because I am learning what happens to my body in fight or flight. I know at urinals sometimes people don't know if you are going or not and i don't think people care less or they are just in there own world.I am off now for a pee!!! Regards pete A.K.A. Mixmaster murph !!!

Re: im not alone..!!!!

Posted by ng51guy on 11/9/2011, 10:16 pm, in reply to "Re: im not alone..!!!!"

hi pete..yeh ive been thro all that pretending shit...i just dont bother now and just get in the cubical, flush it first to make noise and hope its one of those old style long flush/fill up jobs...mostly these new ones are just so anoyingly quick to flush and fill, i also sit down and pretend im having a crap just to have a piss...i also brush past the hand dryer and hope its one of them studpidly noisy ones that go on for ever...im in piss heaven when i can get that noise distraction going off when im in that cubicle..!! hope this helps..

Re: im not alone..!!!!

Posted by Pete on 13/9/2011, 7:38 pm, in reply to "Re: im not alone..!!!!"

Hello again since I found out about my condition being called Paruresis I would say that I have progressed a little but it seems slow but I am doing a workshop soon and I just wonderd If it was something that you have thought about doing? Regards Pete.

Re: im not alone..!!!!

Posted by NoMoreGuy on 13/9/2011, 10:00 pm, in reply to "Re: im not alone..!!!!"

I wouldn't wish this thing on my worst enemy, 16+, it really got to me when my girlfriend was out the door in toilet in the house and I couldn't go, made me feel 1 inch tall ((

« Back to index

428

[ U.K. PARURESIS TRUST ]

UNITED KINGDOM PARURESIS TRUST WEB SITE