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Going on holiday next week. I suffer partially from paruresis. I can urinate at home with the door open and with family around, even talking to them. I can also urinate in my garden with family around, problem is when i get into public toilets. Everything freezes up and nothing flows. Last year i went on exactly the same holiday, and ended up holding my urine for round about 18 hours before i got to the hotel at the other end and was able to go. I did manage to go partially on the plane, but I really had to push, it helped a tiny bit.
I've got the same flight next week, but this time it is around 9 hours opposed to the last 18 hours. Is there anything that can help me prepare in such a short period of time?
I would say, and this might sound a bit mad, but make sure you drink loads of fluids. This will give you a strong urge and you wont need to push.
Also, if possible, get seats near to the toilet. This way you'll be able to tell when the toilet is free more easily and it wont seem such a big deal if you need to visit 2 or 3 times before you manage to pee.
I suffer from the same affection as you do. What I did before I went on an 8 hour flight was practising the self catheterisation which was quite scary to me but trust me, holding up your pee 8 hours hurts a 100 times more. I stripped a very thin electrical wire of its copper so the outer mantle became a flexible tube. I desinfected the in and outside of the tube at home and took it with me in my jeans pocket. I also took some lube with me in a sachet which is sold with condoms. It will not be detected by a scanner. At home I practised and it went quite well, pushed it in gently with some lube and because it was so thin I did not feel it at all. On the actual flight I used it but tried to pee the natural way first which ofcourse did not help. Then I used the self made catheter and I had instant relief and I was extremely happy. It was better for my fellow travellers too who otherwise would have noticed my bad mood. It took longer to pee because of the small diameter but I didnt care about that as long as I could relief myself. Do remember that desinfecting your hands with a cloth soaked in alcohol is necessary. These are sold as colognette. Have a nice trip!
Raymond, never heard of a home made catheter before, thought you were joking at first! Glad it went ok for you.
George, I know how you feel as iv been worried before about going on long trips. Simon's idea is logical, however there is a risk that your 'boo' monster will take over and you will be caught short with a full bladder. Depends how confident you are I suppose, its for you to decide.
Either way, make sure to check out the toilets on the plane straight away even if you dont need to go; It will help relax you knowing whats to come.
Sorry I cant be of any more help, im on the self catheters myself you see. Knowing I have a failsafe in my pocket relaxes me enough so never need to use them. Something to consider when you get back?
Do not drink coffee, coke, orange juice or tea the day you fly because caffeine or acidic drinks makes you go much more frequent and it affects the muscle which makes peeing more difficult. Just drink water. Try to pee before you enter the plane. In case you have to go, pee just before the stewardess goes down the aisle with the trolley. Chance that not many people will be waiting behind the doors then. If your partner knows about your problem, let her/him go after you go so the one behind the door will not be knocking or pulling the door handles.
I tried simons method before, last year. I was having tea, coffee and orange to try to invoke the flow (even though I had held for numerous hours beforehand) but it was still a no go.
Self catheters do sound very helpful, but I doubt I will be able to get any and training within five days. I'm not sure I would want to attempt making my own!
Yesterday, I managed to go at the cubicle at the local lake while listening to music (I suppose it drowns out any outside noise) so I will be able to give this a go at the airport and on the plane.
About your long flight; let’s put together some strategies.
When you check in, ask for an aisle seat. That way you can get up without disturbing anyone. If there is a difficulty, say you have a medical condition that means you use the loo frequently, and you dont want to keep on disturbing other people.
There is always a rush after the seatbelt light goes off, and again shortly before landing, so avoid the rush.
When people settle down for a film, and during the sleeping period, things go quiet: a good time to go.
Long flights mean large planes means 2 to 4 toilets in a block. Your negative thought about “they know I’m in here and are wondering why I’m taking so long” is not true. Contradict the thought by saying “even with a queue, no-one remembers who went in which and when”. When you walk along the aisle and people look up at you, your negative thought is “they know I’m going to the toilet (and they are setting a stop-watch!)”. This is not true; people get so bored staring at the same thing for hours on end, that any movement of any sort causes them to look up. They may even assess the clothes you are wearing, but once you have passed by, you are out of their thoughts altogether.
When you walk along the aisle, defocus, and do not look at people. Similarly when you come out of the toilet.
When you are in the toilet, it is yours for as long as you need it; and if someone is constipated, that can be for a very long time. No-one knows or cares what you are doing in there, so say that to yourself.
If you misfire, you can go again a bit later, with no need to explain or justify. On a plane I seem to go about every two hours – its no problem.
Go on our website and read the page Cognitive Therapy and Practical Advice.
Use a toilet early on when you don’t need a pee. That way you get over the novelty before you need to use them in earnest. Deliberately stay in there two minutes. Before leaving, compose yourself and set your face into a slight smile. That way you when you come out, you will experience any reaction; which will be zilch. Again do not look at people’s faces: instead defocus.
And drink plenty, but not coffee or alcohol; its easy to dehydrate on a long-distance flight, and peeing is easier when you have a good urge.
But if it is causing you anxiety every day even now, it may be worth getting used to a catheter now, because after all you want to enjoy the holiday. Just having the catheter to hand could reduce your anxiety enough to let you pee without it. You can go to your GP and say you get “urinary retention” uncontrollably; as you are going on a flight, you wish to be able to use a catheter in extremis. The surgery staff will show you how to use it. Raymond’s strategy of making his own catheter is a risky one; it worked for him but is not to be recommended!
Hey George, As Andrew pointed out, a long flight usually means a large plane which usually means a good number of toilets. When I last went on a long-haul flight, I was seated near the middle of the plane and was therefore near one cubicle. I knew I'd feel more comfortable using the toilets at the end of the aircraft - several in a row and seemed less busy. I went and used those and managed quite well - just felt the pressure was off - though also used similar strategies to the ones Andrew described. One of the insidious things about this ailment is that we can project thoughts onto others that are simply not there. While walking to the back of the plane I found I began speculating on what others may be thinking of me going to the back of the plane - e.g. 'why's he using these toilets?' etc. I then tried to be rational about it all - are they really interested in this? NO. If they were to speculate, (and they have very many more interesting things to think about) would they realise I was having difficulties peeing? NO. Or would they perhaps think that the toilet near my seat was busy. YES - though the chances of them sparing me a first - let alone a second - thought would be slim. When I felt more confident later, I used the single cubicle near my own seat. Hope that helps. My own paruresis level is similar to your own.
Im going on holiday too in a week or so and not even looking forward to it just because of this condition. Just got to try and get along with it, but il b thinking wen i go out into a club, wheres the best toilets and if theres ne cubicles! Shunt have to b thi king bout that at all so im determined to get this problem resolved some how.im going to the beginners workshop in sept,hope to see sone of you there.have a good holiday and dont let it get yu down too much. Jack
Clubs and whatnot are, I think, normally quite OK. I don't know if it's because the dancing is a good distraction or because the fact that your body uses up water as sweat instead - probably both - but I find that as long as I've 'been beforehand', I'll be fine when I'm clubbing, or in my case, dancing salsa all night. If I haven't, I'll still be ok but might get that niggling sensation where you think you need to pee but actually you don't. In that case, well, the dancing itself is a distraction, so it can be lived with.
Man, A few years ago i thought i was the only one with this condition so i googled 'difficulty having a wee' and found i had this thing called paruresis, so great i thought at least i'm not a wierdo but still no miracle cure. Then i thought i must be the only 'paruretic' that finds it difficult going on planes, then i just found this post from george and seems like loads of people have this looking at the answers to his question. I am literaly flying tommorow on a 10 to 12 hour trip and last week i went to the doctor asking about catheters and due to her lack of knowledge for paruresis she advised against it saying that if my urge was so severe my body would just choose to wet itself, i know as a paruretic that this isnt true and that you are just severely uncomfortable for a long time until you find 'comfort' looking at some of the answers it seems that some people use and recomend catheters, and my thought would be that just having a 'get out clause' would have allowed me to go freely' too late now thanks to a doctor that just didnt understand. Planes however if i relax enough i don't find impossible and can just about go, last time i used valium (prescribed by the doctor) and this relaxed me to the point where i could go (and the discomfort only came towards the end of the flight). (man and that feeling of needing to go when you dont need to is a killer){and it really does put you in a bad mood if you cant wee, and when you eventually manage it, it is instant relief and an instant good mood. So i suppose i recommend valium just to chill out a bit. But when i get back or get to my destination i am gonna try and convince a doctor to give me a catheter as this seems the best way as you know in the worst case scenario if you cant wee at least you can get it out by the catheter. i remember being on a six hour coach ride in mexico and needing the loo from the beginning, and if planes are difficult coaches are impossible, what i would have done for a catheter then!!! ok guys wish me luck for tommorow regards
Just been to hospital to try and get a catheter and i might as well share with you what the doctor said, he knew about paruresis (my paruresis affects me most on public transport, planes etc.) and said that the risk of infection through self catheterisation is extremely high and that holding the wee for twelve hours is not as bad as the potential of death from kidney infection through self catheterisation. he said there is a reason he knows these things as he is a doctor and has studied and that putting in a catheter should always be a sterile procedure and that even then there is a 1 in 5 risk of infection and this infection in males is extremely dangerous. I told him about the guy who uses a piece of electrical cable who left a comment and he said this is extremely risky to say the least. He mentioned that the way foreward was cognitive behavioural therapy with an expert and that valium is a good drug that should help. Hope this helps but i am still worried about my plane trip as you can imagine but i will try and be positive as this is the key...one last tip i have thought about is to think 'at least there is a lock on the bathroom door on planes' all the best and good luck to all those who have this awful condition
That hospital doctor was right and wrong; his hospital experience is of in-dwelling catheters i.e. where you leave them in, as you have to for very ill men. In those cases infection is common.
Intermittent self-catheterisation (ISC) using sterile use once disposable catheters is safe, as experience from cath users who have used this board proves.
So if you want to try again on your return, contact me and I can send you the article.
We even have available an article from the Professional Nurse magazine written by a team of nurses who investigated the whole subject of self-management of urinary issues using ISC; they came out strongly in favour of it.
And the good news is that the hospital doctor knew about paruresis and the need for CBT. It would be good if I could send relevant info to the GP and to the hospital doctor via you.
Ok I am in mexico now and my flight went even better than expected even though i did not get my catheter. I tried to stay positive as us paruretics tend to dwell on the negative a bit. i brought my slippers with me to be more comfortable on the plane and the valium helped me relax and i was weeing with relative ease (i also made sure that when i went that i really needed to go). the last time i went near the end i was a little anxious as it was near landing time and i couldnt wee but having said that i didnt really need to go. this success makes me feel positive for the trip home.