This Discussion Board is for men who
find it difficult or impossible to urinate in a public or social situation. Women should use the women's Board.
The Board is maintained and moderated by the
U.K. Paruresis Trust. Registered Charity no: 1109541.
For
further information, visit our website, or contact us at
Well its my third day since discovering "paruresis world" after a liftime of secrecy. Today I met a fellow sufferer. We met by arrangement via this forum and spent an hour or two in a public place dicussing paruresis over a couple of cups of coffee. It was fantastic to discuss face to face with another human being the problems we had both encounted over the years. We had had very similar experiences and were even finishing each others sentences. For instance we had both had experience of making long car trips with work colleagues. When stopping at service stations for much needed relief we both found that while our work mates shot off to the loo we would both say things like "I'll just get the brews in" to avoid going together. I then added that I would then even go to the extreme of drinking part of my coffee and then saying "just watch my brew while I nip to the loo" thus giving them a reason to stay at the table instead of going to the loo also. We then discovered that when in a pub we would use the "just watch my beer" excuse or "I'll get the round in" via the toilet obviously. All to keep other at bay while having a pee. Funny how when having such a controlling anxiety you find ways to control the behaviour of others to help yourself. I even explained how I use smoking as a "smoke screen". When stopping in hotels with ensuite bathrooms I just cant pee in the loo. Not even when staying with my wife. So, as everywhere is a no smoking environment these days I would go out for a fag before bed just to have a pee and in the morning always have a shower, another smoke screen which would allow me to have a pee. As the day has gone on I have remembered so many behavioural smoke screens that I have used in the past. They become part of your normal life and you forget about them as it's just normal behaviour for you. I feel I could write all night on the subject but my main reason for posting is to say that for those of us not quite ready to tell people or attend a workshop then having a meeting with someone who understands is a very liberating experience where you can talk freely and honestly and be yourself. Its the first time I have discussed it with anyone in over 30 years of living a secret life. I highly recommend it, it felt so normal. Just as a foot note, can someone tell me how to pronounce paruresis is it par-oor-eesis
Glad the meet up went so well for you. I had a similar meeting about ten years ago; the two hours flew by. It was funny really; he said I would recognise him in the pub by his red company shirt. When I turned up there was a gang of about 12 men in red shirts. Anyway we found each other, felt the pub was a bit public, tried the tables outside but that felt even more exposed (no background noise), then in frustration just sat facing each other over an indoor table for two and ignored everyone easle. As you say, a liberating experience.
As for the pronunciation of paruresis. I use pa-you-ree-sis. The root is "uresis" hence enuresis en-you-ree-sis which is the opposite i.e. inability to prevent wetting yourself.