At age 5 in primary school most often I would pee my pants my reasoning for not using the toilets at that age were unknown. I tried to hold my bladder until I got home from school. Around age 7 I would use the toilets at school if it were unoccupied but when someone came in I would stop. I remember one time at a sleepover I tried to pee in someone's garden and I had stage fright I wasn't sure why it may of been the pressure to perform. Later in life I had another instance when on a school excursion me and another kid went to the troff I was nervous about not performing but I was successful. During high school I used the toilets when others were not around it made life very difficult. From concentration at school to having a social life. Until age 19, 5 years ago I had no idea that I suffered from stage fright or paruresis. I then practiced for years slowly and steadily. I started with being petrified of going to a Shopping Centre toilet cubicle to peeing in cubicles just fine. I have tried to leave the door open with mixed results. Very small toilets I sometimes have trouble with. I have succeeded at a few urinals and have failed also. I guess for me I can continue with a hierarchy or leave it be. I sometimes think it's a confidence issue about having low self belief but these are theories. I would like to hear from recovered members and thoughts and experiences. I would like to write a proper version of my story
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