Posted by Andrew on 13/8/2015, 11:29 am, in reply to "Re: Paruresis ruiling my life"
Glad you found us, cos now you know you are not your own, and you can get help. You say you feel your phobia is slightly different. The way you describe it, it is exactly like others who have paruresis. It is the social aspect that everyone has in common. Either being with someone, or feeling that people know what you are doing (or trying to do!), or time pressure. All familiar symptoms. So you are not unique.
The guys in the garage. You have to see it from their perspective. Peeing to them is no more eventful than blowing a nose. So wanting to go to the house to blow one's nose would seem odd.
Coping with comments is not easy; there are two ways. The problem we have is not that we have difficulty peeing in social situations, but what we have made of that fact. So....
Accepting the comments as if you don't care; agreeing with them by saying "yea I'm a shy pisser" or "yea I like privacy when I pee", laughing along with the inevitable comments, accepting a nickname. They would soon lose interest, simply because peeing is not interesting to them. It needs you to be non-emotional about it. It helps to behave as if they are commenting about something physical like being a red head, or being short.
Or being open about it and the grief it is causing you. We have a short script you can use that leads them in along a path they can understand; it is on the website. You can then explain how they can help, by not teasing you and by letting you take as long as you need.
You mention that being circumcised made you feel different and odd. Remember that there are tens of millions of circumcised men in the world: most Americans for a start. The being different is like being the only man without a hat in a group of hatted men. Hats aren't necessary, and everything else about you and them is the same. Any inferiority you feel is self-imposed; it is your choice to change that. e.g. I am Mike and can do this, and that, and the other, oh and I happen to have annoying anxiety condition.
To treat paruresis, we tackle the anxiety. If the anxiety can be reduced and managed, then the chances of peeing are improved. We also provide a safe environment to practice peeing in a structured way, starting at a safe level. This gives one confidence that is possible to pee cos you are actually doing it.
This leads me on to the workshops that Ian mentioned. Just read the feedback on the Discussion Board (search for the word feedback). You will see what participants say about it. So do make an effort to come to the next one (in London 25-27 Sept). You wont regret it.
Cheers
Andrew 203
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