Posted by David on 25/1/2011, 11:44 am
Message modified by board administrator 25/1/2011, 12:52 pm
In my mid 30’s I did mention it to my doctor, who was not really aware of AP as such, but did refer me to a therapist. Looking back, this guy did have some understanding of the issues, although his approach to de-sensing was somewhat brutal and doomed to failure.
The only other people I have told are my ex wife (who couldn’t really understand the problem), and my current wife, who is very supportive.
In recent years I have read and seen on TV the occasional reference to AP and the term “shy bladder” – why I never thought to google it, I don’t know. When I finally did, in October last year, I was amazed to find that UKPT existed, and that there was an active source of information and support from fellow sufferers.
A quick look on the forum at comments from previous workshop attendees convinced me that this was something worth trying, so I enrolled immediately. I had constant misgivings and daft thoughts ever since (perhaps it’s all a scam to expose my problem to the world?????) – but managed to dismiss these for what they were and duly turned up last Friday evening.
At 6.55, I walked into the meeting room with a high degree of anxiety. Within 5 minutes, there was a small group of us, all feeling the same. And, guess what, they all looked completely normal. Yes, it was a bit uncomfortable at first, but I quickly realised that we were all in the same boat, heard loads of comments that I could relate to, and soon felt much more at ease.
That evening, over a couple of beers in the bar, I was amazed to find that we all seemed to want to carry on talking about our past experiences. Having bottled it all up for nearly 40 years it is hard to describe the feelings of relief that, not only could I be completely open about my AP, but that everyone had very similar stories to tell. I was no longer alone.
Saturday morning dawned and the de-sensing sessions beckoned. Anxiety levels increased again. Before the first session, our leaders took us through techniques and strategies to help us to cope – these were added to, discussed and reinforced throughout the day. It was helpful to be reminded that we were all going to start at a point at which we were individually comfortable, and would progress in small steps – entirely under our control. No one had to do anything they were uncomfortable with.
By the end of Saturday I was buzzing. I had managed to pee in circumstances I would have thought impossible only 12 hours earlier. That evening, it was good to unwind with my new friends, again talking openly about our AP (and even laughing about it), and many other things besides.
Sunday morning brought more of the same – de-sensing sessions, and reinforcement of the techniques discussed the previous day. Finally, we gave some thought about how we would each continue to progress as we returned to our daily routines.
My thoughts a couple of days later? The workshop is not a quick cure, but the start of a journey. It is going to require commitment to stick to and practice what I’ve learned, and it is good to know that support is available to me when I need it.
My overriding feeling is one of optimism for the future. For the first time in around 40 years I have a genuine belief that I can get on top of my AP, and stop it dictating what I chose to do. When I talked to my wife on Sunday evening, and again as I’ve just typed this paragraph, I have been unable to stop the tears welling up, such is the relief and hope I now feel. Powerful stuff this workshop!
If you’re thinking about enrolling on a workshop – don’t think. Just do it. It can only help you. Don’t delay.
Finally, my thanks to Andrew, Dan, Colin and all my new friends, for helping me make the first steps. And my boo monster? Well, he can just eff off. 980
Responses
« Back to index | View thread »
Responses are not allowed!